If I had to use just one word for those memorable meetings, it would be “generous.” Aai showed me how to wear a sari the way “we wear it.” She shared the oviyos generously, and when I whipped out my notebook to make notes, she asked me with a twinkle in her eye, “Hey, don’t you have a mobile phone? Why are you taking notes the old-fashioned way?” Right through our interviews, video recordings and compositions, that twinkle in her eyes stayed. Aai keeps the songs of sadness, hardship, and personal suffering to herself. The happy songs she takes to weddings. Her twinkle became brighter and more mischievous when she said, “I cannot attend weddings as a widow, but they have to invite me to a wedding as a performer!” What Saraswati Datta Sawant lost in childhood memory, she has won in the memory of the wedding songs sung to the percussion of an everyday object like the grinding stone in her kitchen.
Subhadra Arjun Gaus, also a child-bride, married into the village of Ghoteli No. 2, Sankhli, recalls how she could see her mother’s house across the river. “Not today,” her mother-in-law would say. “See how the river is flooded.” Or, “There is no one to escort you, and we cannot allow you to go with the boatman alone.” Married at 8, Subhadra was 16 when she was sent to her maternal home for a visit. “I met my brother for the first time when I went home for my first child’s birth. He was eight.”
Subhadra sees her story as anything but tragic. She was allowed to sing; she could compose her songs; she was allowed to travel when the “government people came and took us on tours to different places,” and more important than all of that, she was taken as a helper by her husband when he went to the village houses to repair roofs. “That is how I learnt how to repair country-tiled roofs. I am probably the only woman in Goa who has this skill.” What advice did she have for someone like me, living under the illusion of an empowered single woman? “You have to die if you want to see Heaven.”